Becoming Mom – The 2nd Shift

Established since 2016

When I look at them, I still can’t believe that they are mine. When I became a mom, I didn’t just give birth to two human beings, I literally became a new version of myself, both times. It has been the most rewarding but at the same time, the hardest role I have ever had to play.

The last 10 years have been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride. So many ups but a lot of downs as well. I like to call myself a coordinator of chaos, manager of emotions and mediator of meltdowns. Who would have thought that having mini versions of yourself and your husband could be so comical but also so triggering at the same times. Nothing has taken me back to my own childhood more than watching my own children grow.

My little sponges, literally absorbing everything around them – good and bad. And I often think “where did they get that from?!”. Then I realize they are little mirrors of ourselves, staring back at us, reminding us that a lot of what we say and do as their parents affects who they are becoming. Scary Stuff!

In order to preserve what’s left of my sanity, I have adopted and learnt a few things:

• The Freezer is your Friend – I don’t meal prep, but I do use my freezer to plan ahead. If I chop onions or grate carrots or baby marrow for a meal that I am currently cooking, I will make extra and freeze for another day – my future self will thank me, it saves a bit of time, and I have a lot less waste (food and money). I also have saved many loaves of bread by freezing them – the freezer is a genius invention if you ask me!
• Hide The Veg – my kids are fussy (I may have passed this gene onto them). I hide veg in my bolognaise sauce by adding grated baby marrow and carrots – it never gets detected and I sleep better that night knowing my kids ate a vegetable or 2.
• Routine is Key – I fought this one for a long time. Then I read somewhere that children feel safer when they have a routine because routines establish stability and predictability. And this is true in our house. Meals and bedtime routines mean more structure and less overwhelm. I used to associate routine with being boring. But it’s just a necessary part of daily life.
• Progress always, forget perfection – Our house is not perfect, I think perfection is an illusion. When I am really struggling to get anything done, I tell myself to just start. Something is always better than nothing. And then momentum builds and I end up doing more than I set out to do. And if I’m having a slower than normal day, I also lean into that – tomorrow will be better. This reminds me of the following quote – I’ve almost tattooed this very saying on my arm a few times because I love it so much and it really resonates with me.

“This too shall pass.”

• Fill Your Cup Mama – Have you tried pouring from an empty cup? Well, you can’t – there is nothing there. I did this for a while, looked after everyone except for the one person who is the actual glue in our family…ME! It’s so important to find the things that give you joy. I get it, this could end up being time consuming, perhaps a little uncomfortable, maybe a little expensive but you have to make it happen. Who is going to do what you do if you fall apart and you are no longer able to do all the things. I’m saying this just as loudly to myself by the way.
• Walks & Talks – I’m rather an emotional being. I love a good chat, and often it’s not about solving a problem, it’s just the opportunity to get a few things off of my mind and out into the open. I also really love a good walk, nothing like some fresh air, nature and a reason to get the body moving. So, why not make the time to combine the two. It works wonders, better than therapy even. You’ll need a friend for this one – it might seem a bit strange if you’re walking around talking to yourself.
• Don’t Beat Yourself Up – You’re a MOM – but contrary to popular belief, you are also still human. You will mess up, you will sometimes snap, you will often say the wrong thing. What works for me in those situations, is to take a minute and take a step back – I like to then come back and chat about it with the kids, explain where I am coming from and apologize if needed. I’m hoping they see that I’m owning my mistakes and that they need to do the same. Be kind to yourself, let it go, you don’t have to have it all together all the time.

"There will be so many times when you feel like you have failed. 
But in the eyes, heart and mind of your child, you are SUPER MOM."

I think it’s safe to say that the journey of a mother has no manual. Nothing can prepare you for the rollercoaster ride of motherhood. We’re all just winging it – some hiding it better than others. What a gift though, to see our little precious, squishy bundles become small people. And then, over time, learning to slowly let them go – watching them bravely forge a path of their own.